Well folks, it is July 2nd. That means a couple exciting things and scary things are coming up for me. First, I'll start with the exciting things :)
I have 2 sets of awesome friends that are tying the knot this month. Scott & Kelsey on 7/7 and Laura & Seth on 7/28. I couldn't be happier for these four people. They are so in love and have a God centered relationship. I can't wait to celebrate with them!
Also, July 4th is Wednesday and I think we might cook out with some friends so that will be awesome.
My mom's side of the family is having their Family Reunion on the 14th and we are going to spend some time at Smith Mountain Lake and then on Herald Mountain with them. Gotta love sleepin' in a tent, going out on the boat, shootin' skeet, and most likely cooking a pig...
Now....dun dun dunnnn...for the scary part of July
I took the LSAT (law school admission test) in June and I am projected to get my scores back this Friday. I'm so nervous about it. I have always been a good test taker and usually I don't freak out about testing or school stuff at all. I enjoy academics and have been pretty good at it when I tried (those college years got away from me somehow...). I guess this is really the first time I am having this type of reaction to a test.
I wasn't too worried about the test before I took it, when most people have their freakouts, I just prepared using some books I borrowed from a friend and didn't think too much into it. I packed my little ziplock bag the night before and made sure I had everything ready. These test people were kind of crazy btw...we had to have a new passport photo attached to our admission ticket, only wooden #2 pencils (no mechanical...I don't think I've written with one of those since like elementary school), tissues, chap stick, a snack, water in a clear bottle and an ID, all put inside a clear gallon sized baggie. If you brought something not on the list, a calculator, a phone, any electronic etc etc, they would like kick you out and hang out upside down by your toes in the lobby...it was wild. Anyway, I got plenty of sleep, got to the test site way early, then sat and thought...eek...
This test is HUGE for me...quite possibly the biggest test I have ever taken. It means the most to me of anything I have ever done. I graduated from college and became a law enforcement officer. I loved my career, but I just didn't feel right. I needed more challenges intellectually and I wanted to work harder. I felt a little stifled by my job so I decided to suck it up and stick it out...I didn't bust my bum in the academy to quit. Six months passed but it got worse...so bad that I would break down in tears the night before going back to work...I was truly unhappy. My husband is amazingly supportive and so we worked out a plan for me to go back to school. I turned in a letter of resignation, and left the police department on good terms. It was a mix of emotions...I was happy, excited, nervous, and honestly I felt a little like I was a failure...I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to succeed.
I can't justify leaving the great field of policing to go on to not get into law school and wait tables again...I just can't...
I want this so badly...I know I can be a fantastic lawyer, the best one possible, if a school will just give me a chance. My LSAT score will be a ginormous factor in whether or not I have a snowballs chance in...youknowwhere...of getting into law school.
I. AM. FREAK. ING. OUT.
I can't do anything about it now, except to just worry, so that is what I am doing. My whole life rides on these results...
I have prayed a ton about God's plan for my life in the past 12 months...I know he has a plan and I know it is perfect. I just wish I knew what it was sometimes. Other days I am so glad that stuff is not in my hands. I know I can't do this without God and everything that is good and perfect comes from Him. I was really nervous when I quit my job as a police officer because I thought I might be going against God's will. I realized though, that if He wanted me to stay there, I would not feel so miserable about it. I also realized that God sees all of time, the beginning all the way through the end, all at once and His plan is perfect. There is NO way I could mess it up. He foreknew everything. I know that if I get into law school, His will is for me to do it, and if I don't, it was never what He had in store for me.
I can't do it on my own, that I know for sure. So if you're reading this, and it is before 7/6/12, say a prayer for me that I will stop stressing, and have more trust in the Lord...He is a good Daddy and I need to remember that He will take care of me.