Long Week

Friends,
It has been a tough week.  I was sick Monday, mostly due to my lack of sustenance before & after my first day of 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels.  I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was gonna hurl, and feeling like that makes me not want to eat, which makes it worse, which meant that I called in sick, went back to bed and slept for 4 more hours...

In retrospect it was kind of sad that I had that much trouble after a 20 minute workout...but I got up the next day and did it again, this time with some Trop50 (lower calorie orange juice) thanks to Hubby and I didn't have any problems :)

Stig Before our walk

Stig After our walk...passed out lol

Monday, after Jillian almost killed me, I had class and a paper due, which I had struggled with.  It was probably the most difficult assignment I have ever had in school.  I am taking Ethical Problems in the Law, a philosophy class, and I chose, on purpose folks, to give myself extra work and take the Honors option, which means 4 additional papers to write on top of the regular classwork.  The first paper....didn't quite go as planned, and the second...well I asked for more help along the way, which just held a mirror up for me showing me how inept I am at analyzing and breaking down a philosophical essay.  I am disappointed at myself, but I am going to make it.  My second paper was due Monday, and I knew it wasn't up to par with what my professor wanted, but I turned it in anyway.  She could tell I was disappointed with it, so she gave me until tomorrow (Friday) to re-write and email it to her.  I am trying to muster through, but its a tough paper...I can usually figure out how to get through just about any type of writing assignment but this type of gleaning of information and extrapolation is really difficult.

Wednesday, and Thursday (today) I worked extra hours at my wonderfully flexible law office to make up the time I missed from Jillian Michaels induced nausea on Monday, so I worked from 9:30-5 both days, leaving less time for other things (PS. I used to work 12 hours shifts...which often turned into 14-18 hour shifts...so I am no stranger to hard work, I am just used to working my little part time job right now :) )

Friday, our Community Group(CG...bible study group of amazing friends) is putting on a cookout for the neighborhood in which three of the families in our group live.  We are doing it up big with burgers, hot dogs, sides, games, and drinks.  We are really hoping that we can show Jesus to the neighborhood and love some people.  I am stoked...getting to make cupcakes, pasta salad, and grilled zucchini & squash.

I stepped out of my office for a few minutes a couple weeks ago, and I came back to find these from Hubby

Saturday, Hubby and I got (cheap groupon) tickets to go see the Carolina Ballet.  He is such a great date :)  He always comes up with fun and enriching things for us to do together.  We go to the Art Museum, Go Karting, out to new restaurants...Hubby is always coming up with fun things for us to do together.  We are also going out to dinner beforehand with our friends Josh and Ashley.  Cant wait, but I'll be so glad when Sunday comes and I can take a BIG breath and relax...

Well That's Embarrassing...

Last night Hubby and I were talking about how much we have both changed our eating habits over the past few months.  It really has been a complete turn-around for me...when I was still working as a police officer I had crazy hours (6AM-6PM) for about 4 days a week and I couldn't count on my scheduled days off because we were having to pull a lot of overtime.  I used that as an excuse to quit playing in my kitchen, as I so love to do...

Hubby and I joked that we were going to calculate a "typical day" of eating into My Fitness Pal to see just how many calories we used to eat daily without even thinking...I did

it
is
so
morbidly
embarrassing

BUT
I will share this with the world, because I never want to eat like this (regularly) again!  Indulgences have their place and I definitely want the freedom to splurge on a sweet treat or a big restaurant meal sometimes, however, this type of eating would have eventually killed me...which is scary.  

I didn't eat this badly on days I wasn't working, but seeing as I worked about 18 out of every 30 days, it was still pretty detrimental.

Here is a screen shot and calorie count for my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and dessert
YES YES I ate donuts as cop...don't hate ;)
Donuts are delicious...

ugh...I feel so bad for ever having done this to my body...I have made a change though...and as of this morning, lost another 1.5 lbs...yay!  Not to mention, I was subpoenaed to testify for an old arrest I made in a case from my police days, and I was able to wear a skirt & suit jacket that hasn't fit for a year...NSV! (for those who don't know, that means Non Scale Victory...I had to Google to decode most of what people post on my fitness pal message boards lol)

Hubby Said...

So apparently, I haven't blogged in about a month.

My husband is going to lose his mind over it, so here I am :)
(I know you're reading, so loooove you hubby ;) )

I have been feverishly reading Can You Stay For Dinner?  It is a blog written by the gloriously eloquent and hilarious Andie Mitchell, who lost 135lbs and has kept it off for about 5 years.  She has been inspiring with her recipes and memoirs about weight loss and maintenance as well as her humor and zest for life.  It has been a joy to get to know her through her blog and I have almost read it all the way to the beginning.

On that note, my own journey with weight loss has been quite the slow moving roller coaster, if you will.  In all my years of being the chubby girl, I have never lost a significant amount of weight...probably because I have never lived with much sense of moderation in my eating either.  I can remember one summer during high school, between my freshman and sophomore year when I lost some weight because I was working from 7:30 AM until 10 PM most days and eating only one (fried/takeout) meal a day.  I was about to start school and my second season of cheerleading with Manteo High School's JV squad.  It had been my dream since middle school to don that pleated black and gold skirt and I made the squad for the first time for basketball season in 2001.  I couldn't be happier, but I became painfully aware of how different I was than all of the other girls on the squad with me.  I wasn't "popular," not that I was a total loser in school, but I knew I wasn't going to be best friends with the girls I cheered with...high school just doesn't work like Clueless folks, lets be honest.

 epic bangs...and silver eyeshadow

Not only was I not as cool as the other girls, I was definitely not as thin.  Looking back, I wish I could have that body again, because now it would be an improvement, but then, I was just as uncomfortable in my skin as I am now.  I wonder if it will ever get better?  Anyway, coming back for Football season, I was feeling a little better about things sans-15lbs, but I was nowhere close to where I should have been to "fit in" among the 100lb chicks.

Today, 5lbs less than I was a few weeks ago, I am on my way.  Slowly, surely, but mostly slowly...my goal is approaching.  I have a long way to go, but I want to do the things that Andie Mitchell has done.  Find my perfect weight, and keep it, forever hopefully.  My Fitness Pal has been a great help... the mobile app along with the website make it easy to log foods and keep myself accountable for the amount of calories I eat daily.  Like I said, I have never lived with any sense of moderation to my eating.  I ate what I wanted when I wanted to eat it and mostly when I wasn't hungry.  Now though, I am monitoring my eating with success, so far.

I had the same issues that Andie talks about in her blog, in that I ate to feel good instead of for sustenance alone.  If I was sad, or lonely (which was a lot, as an only child with two working parents), or happy, or bored, I ate something yummy, which rarely manifested itself as a veggie or a salad.  Chocolate was my sister and pizza was my brother growing up.  They stuck with me (mostly around the middle) all the way through college and into my 20's, but now, I am done.*  I have begun my transition into a healthier relationship with food, where it provides me with energy and I eat only when I am hungry, not when I feel some (in)significant emotion.

*not with pizza and chocolate completely...everything in moderation :)

I am hoping that in a years time (or less?), I can blog embarrassing before photos and empowering after photos and I will be happy and comfortable with my body...for the first time since I was 5 years old, I will be thin, or at least able to classify myself with the "normal" people.  Thanks for reading (Hubby).

cute 5 year old me...last skinny year I had lol