Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Hubby Said...

So apparently, I haven't blogged in about a month.

My husband is going to lose his mind over it, so here I am :)
(I know you're reading, so loooove you hubby ;) )

I have been feverishly reading Can You Stay For Dinner?  It is a blog written by the gloriously eloquent and hilarious Andie Mitchell, who lost 135lbs and has kept it off for about 5 years.  She has been inspiring with her recipes and memoirs about weight loss and maintenance as well as her humor and zest for life.  It has been a joy to get to know her through her blog and I have almost read it all the way to the beginning.

On that note, my own journey with weight loss has been quite the slow moving roller coaster, if you will.  In all my years of being the chubby girl, I have never lost a significant amount of weight...probably because I have never lived with much sense of moderation in my eating either.  I can remember one summer during high school, between my freshman and sophomore year when I lost some weight because I was working from 7:30 AM until 10 PM most days and eating only one (fried/takeout) meal a day.  I was about to start school and my second season of cheerleading with Manteo High School's JV squad.  It had been my dream since middle school to don that pleated black and gold skirt and I made the squad for the first time for basketball season in 2001.  I couldn't be happier, but I became painfully aware of how different I was than all of the other girls on the squad with me.  I wasn't "popular," not that I was a total loser in school, but I knew I wasn't going to be best friends with the girls I cheered with...high school just doesn't work like Clueless folks, lets be honest.

 epic bangs...and silver eyeshadow

Not only was I not as cool as the other girls, I was definitely not as thin.  Looking back, I wish I could have that body again, because now it would be an improvement, but then, I was just as uncomfortable in my skin as I am now.  I wonder if it will ever get better?  Anyway, coming back for Football season, I was feeling a little better about things sans-15lbs, but I was nowhere close to where I should have been to "fit in" among the 100lb chicks.

Today, 5lbs less than I was a few weeks ago, I am on my way.  Slowly, surely, but mostly goal is approaching.  I have a long way to go, but I want to do the things that Andie Mitchell has done.  Find my perfect weight, and keep it, forever hopefully.  My Fitness Pal has been a great help... the mobile app along with the website make it easy to log foods and keep myself accountable for the amount of calories I eat daily.  Like I said, I have never lived with any sense of moderation to my eating.  I ate what I wanted when I wanted to eat it and mostly when I wasn't hungry.  Now though, I am monitoring my eating with success, so far.

I had the same issues that Andie talks about in her blog, in that I ate to feel good instead of for sustenance alone.  If I was sad, or lonely (which was a lot, as an only child with two working parents), or happy, or bored, I ate something yummy, which rarely manifested itself as a veggie or a salad.  Chocolate was my sister and pizza was my brother growing up.  They stuck with me (mostly around the middle) all the way through college and into my 20's, but now, I am done.*  I have begun my transition into a healthier relationship with food, where it provides me with energy and I eat only when I am hungry, not when I feel some (in)significant emotion.

*not with pizza and chocolate completely...everything in moderation :)

I am hoping that in a years time (or less?), I can blog embarrassing before photos and empowering after photos and I will be happy and comfortable with my body...for the first time since I was 5 years old, I will be thin, or at least able to classify myself with the "normal" people.  Thanks for reading (Hubby).

cute 5 year old me...last skinny year I had lol

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